How to Talk to Someone You Love About Addiction

‍

Maybe it’s a partner, a sibling, or a friend, and you’ve seen the signs—missed plans, mood swings, or the bottle that is always around. You want to help, but the words stick in your throat. You’re not alone in this, and it’s okay to feel unsure. Addiction is challening to discuss but science and experience have shown me ways to make this talk a little easier. Let’s walk through how you can approach it with care.

‍

First, it helps to understand why this feels so hard. Addiction isn’t just a habit—it’s a grip on the brain. Research in Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews shows it rewires the reward system, making that substance or behavior feel like a need, not a choice.

‍
Your loved one might not see it that way though and that’s where the tension comes in. They may feel judged, scared or ashamed, even if you’re coming from a place of love. I’ve had clients tell me they held back for months, worried they’d push them away. It’s a real fear, but waiting often lets the problem fester even deeper.

‍

Timing matters a lot. Pick a moment when your loved one is calm, not in the heat of an argument or stressful scenario. A study in Addiction found that confrontations during active use spike defensiveness—84% of people shut down when approached in the midst of a struggle.

‍

That’s a big number, and it stuck with me. Find a quiet spot instead, maybe over coffee or a walk, when they’re more likely to hear you. It’s not about catching them off guard—it’s about giving them space to listen.

‍

When you start, keep it about what you see and feel. Science backs this up too. A paper in Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment found people respond better when you focus on behavior, not blame—like saying, “I’ve noticed you’ve been quieter lately, and I’m worried,” instead of “You’re drinking too much” .

‍
It’s softer, less like an attack. I’ve watched this approach open doors for my clients. They tell me it feels less like a fight and more like a hand reaching out.

‍

Listening is just as big as talking. Addiction can tie up shame and fear, and a study in Psychology of Addictive Behaviors shows folks often hide it until they feel safe to share.
‍

Ask gentle questions—maybe “What’s been tough for you lately?”—and let them fill the silence. I’ve seen this work wonders in sessions too. Someone might not admit much at first, but hearing they’re not alone can help them feel ready to open up about issues. You’re not there to fix it all—just to show you’re in their corner.

‍

If they’re ready, nudge them toward help without pushing. You could say something like, “I’ve heard therapy can make a difference—would you think about it?” That’s where I come in. I work with addiction every day in Sherwood Park and over telehealth across Alberta. It’s not about forcing them—it’s about planting a seed. If this feels like your situation, you might be the bridge to get them there.

‍

Want to take a step for them—or even for you? Sign up for my mailing list below to get more ideas like this. If you’re in Alberta, book a consultation with me. I’d love to help you figure out what’s next, because no one should carry this alone.

‍